Nervous Energy

Today's problems really started last night when Angela and I decided to go get drinks.  Strange circumstances involving Angela's hair, thunder and a hideous down pour led us to The Carlos Club.  At 7pm. We were the only people there.  The bartender gave us free shots of Fernet, I don't know what that is.  But it hurt.  Today, it hurt me a lot.

I had completely forgotten that Owen had his Kindergarten physical and shots today.  Owen is not good at the doctor.  If you have ever gotten a haircut with the kid, you know that I mean a raging, screaming fit. Not good.  Add a hangover and it's downright ugly.

I discuss the shots, which I thought would be helpful preparation, but instead it gives him an enormous amount of nervous energy.  He gets obnoxiously silly.  Uncontrollably goofy.  He gets a hearing test and the nurse asked him a minimum of 25 times to stop spinning in the chair.  At one point he falls off.  Fits of giggles.  He gets an eye exam, we find out he needs a follow up exam and possibly glasses.  What?!

We get into the doctor's exam room and they ask him to strip down to just his underwear.  This makes him REAL uncomfortable and beyond giddy.  He starts to run circles around the room, banging on the trash can and spinning the doctor's chair.  I want to do something about it, but I don't have energy to drag myself off the chair. Damn that fernet.  Doctor Lopez comes in the room to a mini-maniac!! 

While he's trying to ask Owen questions, (how old are you? what school do you go to?) basic questions, Owen continues to sprint the tiny room, turn on the faucet, giggle out of his mind and shout answers back.  Meanwhile, Nathan is sitting in the chair playing with his squishies.

I'm trying to talk to Dr. Lopez when I suddenly I hear Owen singing, "THE PEE PEE DANCE, THE PEE PEE DANCE" I turn to look and the kid has his underwear down around his ankles and his arms in the air (cuz he clearly just don't care) and is dancing.  The pee pee dance.  I am horrified.  Mortified.  Stunned. But I laugh, which implies that this is funny and appropriate.  It's neither.  Okay, it is actually really funny.  But mostly inappropriate and I know this and yet I'm laughing.  I'm embarrassed and I hurt and I cannot parent properly in this moment.   I'm not even a little bit mad, because I know why he's acting this way.  He's freaked out about the shots.  He's in complete anticipation and cannot handle it.  I try to calmly tell him that I know he's nervous and anxious and I understand, but HE MUST STOP THIS.  Please child, stop.

The exam continues and he's better-ish.  When he is asked to take a deep breath, he acts like he's hyperventilating, while he's asked to stand and touch his toes (to check his spine) he's crossing his legs, falling over and keeps saying "like this? like this?"  NO you fool, like the doctor is asking you, feet flat and touch your toes.  When he finally does and doctor runs his fingers up his spine, Owen pops up and practically head-butts the man. 

Finally we're done and head over to the injection clinic.  Owen hides.  Under an exam table.  I drag his ass out.  I have to hold him with his arms across his chest straight-jacket style for the shots.  Nathan is sitting one chair over with his squishies.  Owen is screaming.  The first needle goes in and I have to hold him with physical force as the nurse repeats over and over "don't move, don't move".  Owen is SCREAMING, not crying, well crying too, but mostly screaming and we still have three more shots to go. THREE.

Suddenly we hear "here you go doctor, here you go" and we look over to see Nathan holding the three other needles in his hands offering them to the nurse, who shouts "he can't have those"!  Really lady?  Really?  She grabs the needles and I tell Nathan to sit down and he does and Owen gets three more quick pokes and continues to lose his shit.  Nathan is trying to help by saying "it's okay Owen, it's okay" and I just need to leave.   This has been a debacle and I need it to end. 

This hangover is a slow death and I just lived through a runaway circus.